there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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