I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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