I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize