is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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