he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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