I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
