The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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