I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
