I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
