i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
