I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
