I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
