Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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