are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
