I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
