Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
