I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
