she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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