how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
