you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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