dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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