When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
