I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
