1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
