In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
where am i from again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
