I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
