he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
