well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
40s are totally the cure
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
