Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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