She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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