you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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