i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You are a genius and a whore.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
