At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
