I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Floor bacon is actually really good
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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