peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you traded sex for a burrito?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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