So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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