i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
