How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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