i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
