Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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