True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
MIDGETS
????
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
