I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
