She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Holy sore nipples Batman
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
