I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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