I seem to have left my pride at pride
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
