last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just cut my nipple shaving
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
