This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
