Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize