I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
