Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
