I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize