Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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