I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
