meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
