So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
