just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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