You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
