There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
