he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
